HARRY: oh my god, i'm wiped.
HARRY: haven't felt this happy to be plastered to the couch in forever.
JOHN: are you?
JOHN: wow, i feel like i'm barely keeping myself sitting.
JOHN: if it weren't for keeping you kids safe i'd be out there right now!
HARRY: well we did just do a whole lot of running around for no good reason.
HARRY: and some of us aren't gods and shit.
JOHN: i'm detecting a hint of judgement in your voice, there, harry anderson
JOHN: don't you enjoy being a part of all this? finally getting to be in the thick of it all?
HARRY: i mean i was having a fine time at school, if i'm being honest.
HARRY: all this tear-assing back and forth between my home and various points of interest over the past few days has me pretty beat.
HARRY: also i wouldn't call this "the thick of it all"
JOHN: oof, getting air quotes'd by my own son.
JOHN: we had to hide in a forsythia bush on the way back here when that drone flew by!
JOHN: that's the thick of father-son hijinks if i ever saw it!
JOHN: well, modern day war hijinks, but i'll take what i can get, you know??
HARRY: yeah, i guess.
HARRY: i'm not knocking the old adrenaline thrill, or helping out Vrissy's moms or anything.
HARRY: i'm just saying i was literally just here and you told me to leave, so i hope this is where we're gonna park it for a minute.
HARRY: a boy's gotta breathe.
JOHN: yeah, well, this wasn't my plan, either.
JOHN: but rose sent out some false intel about us heading toward my house, so technically this is the safest place we can be right now, since they cleared the area and everything.
JOHN: i guess.
HARRY: now YOU look like you're hiding some extra commentary.
JOHN: oh, i don't need to burden you with all the bureaucratic stuff, it's boring.
HARRY: well now hold up, dad.
HARRY: a minute ago you were all "we're in the fight together," and now you're backing out of sharing the details?
JOHN: it's not really-
HARRY: am i a part of this or not?
JOHN: well i'd sure say you were!
JOHN: but i guess maybe my thoughts on what is or isn't right for the operation aren't up to snuff.
JOHN: because here i am, sitting in the dugout, same as you.
HARRY: in the dugout?
JOHN: oh, or, uh...
JOHN: what's a metaphor you might like better...
JOHN: i'm like the uhh...understudy.
HARRY: dad. no, jesus, you don't have to do this.
JOHN: or i got cast in as babysitter number 2 when i had auditioned for, i dunno,
HARRY: yeah, please, i got the baseball metaphor.
HARRY: i'm not a complete fucking nerd.
JOHN: oh i see.
HARRY: i was just like acknowledging that we've been sidelined, here.
HARRY: not that i mind, personally, since like i said i am super stoked to be relaxin on the couch and not fighting a war.
HARRY: plus i wouldn’t have been able to get your measurements for some clothes that actually fit you if we hadn’t come back here where all my sewing stuff is.
HARRY: but it seemed like you, uh.
HARRY: you were getting pretty into everything back there with rose and them? getting to be with the old crew and everything, like the stories you told me about the game?
HARRY: that sucks.
JOHN: i had a good plan, too!
JOHN: it just wasn't good enough for karkat, i guess.
JOHN: i'm just not "experienced enough in combat strategy"
HARRY: oh now you're throwing the air quotes back at me?
JOHN: no, those are for karkat!
HARRY: oh ok then, fair game.
JOHN: look at us, bantering away.
JOHN: that is a plus of being here, at least.
JOHN: it's been really nice to get to spend so much time with you.
HARRY: um. yeah, it's not so bad.
HARRY: anyway, before you ruffle my hair or anything, it looks like things are getting a bit heated between the vriskas over there.
HARRY: maybe we should offer them a snack to bring the mood back down?
JOHN: me, mess up your hair when you’ve worked so hard on that look? i do know you at least that well, harry anderson
HARRY: thank god.
VRISSY: Um...Hey, Vriska?
VRISSY: Are you okay??
VRISSY: Just you’ve Been Kind of quiet.
VRISKA: So you actually want to know what I’m thinking now? You want my opinion?
VRISSY: I'm not Really Sure what’s going on right Now.
VRISSY: I just was wondering why you’re so pissed off at me.
VRISKA: What the fuck are you talking about?
VRISKA: I’m not pissed at you, you haven’t done shit 8asically at all since i’ve been here.
VRISKA: I just can’t 8elieve I’m 8ack stuck in this tacky rumpusblock after all of that!
VRISKA: I’m going to look like an idiot if I don’t get out there.
VRISSY: I don’t Think any8ody is going to notice?
VRISSY: I guess you Did go Viral, 8ut the news moves so fast these days. I don’t think Any8ody is like...
VRISSY: Glued to their phones Waiting for your New Hashtag Resistance content.
VRISSY: We could do Something if You Wanted.
VRISSY: If you’re 8ored.
VRISSY: This isn’t my House, but Harry has video games and Movies and shit.
VRISSY: Actually, we’re pro8a8ly 8etter off not watching his movies.
VRISSY: His taste is Worse than His Dad’s.
VRISKA: No, I don’t want to watch a fucking movie! How the fuck can you think a8out movies?????????
VRISKA: How are you okay with any of this?
VRISSY: Any of What?
VRISKA: 8eing left at home like a couple of dri88ling of wigglers!
VRISKA: How are you so calm right now? Your lusii were training you, right? And you’re a troll, you’re definitely five times stronger than a human! And if you’re my clone, you are way more 8adass than little miss Fussy Fangs.
VRISKA: I can’t 8elieve you just stayed 8ehind?!??
VRISSY: Well...they told me to. And they’re my Moms.
VRISKA: And you just listen to everything they say?
VRISSY: No, not Really. I used to Sneak out a Lot, and they’d a8solutely Flip their Shit if they ever got into my Search History.
VRISSY: 8ut I guess this Situation is Kind of Serious?
VRISSY: There’s a whole Plan and Stuff Like that.
VRISKA: Clearly not a good plan, 8ecause then I would 8e part of it!
VRISKA: What’s the point of me even coming to this shitty fake reality if I’m not supposed to fix it?
VRISSY: I think they’ve Got A Strategy, or Whatever.
VRISKA: That’s just even more indication that they don’t know what they’re doing! Lalonde and Maryam have had however many sweeps to get older and stupider, 8ut from where I’m standing, it was literally only a few days ago that I was their commander! I am primed for the 8attlefield!
VRISKA: I ran their shit!
VRISSY: Wait, really? they never told me That.
VRISKA: I thought you said you knew some lore. You know about Tavros and Terezi, you told me you do!
VRISSY: Yeah, they told me about That stuff, but a Lot of the Shit that Happened in the Session if just not in the History Books.
VRISSY: You weren’t Really mentioned that Much.
VRISKA: Excuse me?
VRISSY: People know who you Are, 'cause we had to Memorize the names of Every one of the Players, Even the ones who didn’t last very Long.
VRISKA: You’re trying to tell me that there’s a whole recorded history of SGRUB, and I’m not in it?
VRISSY: You’re not not in it.
VRISSY: I guess they Mostly Focused on the Creators who Ascended, you know?
VRISKA: Whoever was schoolfeeding you was a complete 8ulgesucker, because I “ascended” 8efore any of the humans did!!
VRISKA: Literally 8illions of years 8efore, since our session was the one that created theirs!!!!!!!!
VRISKA: I was the 8ne who 8uided John’s 8uffoonish 8lue ass all the way through his first 8ew days in the Medium!
VRISKA: I m8de all the plans to take down the J8cks!
VRISKA: I SINGLE H8ND8DLY!
VRISKA: CURED YOUR MOTHER’S FUCKING ALCH8LISM!!!!!!!!
JOHN: uh, vriska, everything okay over there?
VRISKA: EVERYTHING’S FINE, J8HN!
JOHN: do you girls want a snack?
VRISSY: Yeah, actually a Snack sounds Great, Mr. Eg8ert.
JOHN: i’m not sure what we’ve got, i uh.
JOHN: don’t actually live here haha.
HARRY: vriska, eat whatever.
HARRY: just not the zebra cakes, those are mine.