DAVE: ok fine ill do the first one
KARKAT: GREAT. TURN UP THE FLOWER TALK VOLUME.
DAVE: so uh
DAVE: kanaya was telling me this kids story the other day about this dude who didnt cherish a flower enough until it peaced out to do flower stuff idk its not pertinent to the story
DAVE: except the flower was a person
DAVE: because it was a metaphor
KARKAT: YEAH LIKE YOU SAID,
DAVE: really convoluted metaphorical horseshit
KARKAT: REALLY CONVOLUTED METAPHORICAL HORSESHIT.
DAVE: anyway what goes down in the story is that once the flower lady is out of the picture
DAVE: the main character goes around making all these connections between her and everything else in the universe until every damn thing feels like a symbol for how much he fucked up and how much he will never see her again
KARKAT: THIS SEEMS PRETTY FUCKING INTENSE FOR A KID'S STORY
DAVE: yea thats pretty much what i said
DAVE: but i guess its not so much what the story was technically textually about but more like the version of it kanaya internalized and then told me when we were talkin about how she misses rose
DAVE: so like now im taking the story she told me she was projecting her feelings onto and projecting my feelings on top of that
DAVE: this is just one big game of emotional projection telephone so feel free to go paraphrase it to roxy later and make it about whatever fuckin thing youre currently missing
KARKAT: YOUR ABILITY TO GET TO THE POINT
DAVE: anyway you’re not gonna have to miss that skill of mine for long
DAVE: get ready for this shit because i am about to slap you with the point so hard youll fall ass first into the washer
DAVE: just scrambling around in there getting all sudsy
DAVE: but your brain is gonna be so blasted from the mindfreak of a point im about to make that there wont be anything left to clean
DAVE: are you ready
DAVE: karkat you havent made any kind of comment about how youre ready in a few seconds so
KARKAT: YEAH DAVE DROP THIS FUCKING BOMB ON ME.
DAVE: ok thanks
DAVE: so its genuinely cool that kanaya can go around creating meaning that may or may not be actually present in every little thing
DAVE: connecting every feeling she has to the idea of her wife existing out there
DAVE: so i told her she should keep that shit up
DAVE: but im having the opposite issue where im struggling to find anything to be that kind of tether because every single thing i could possibly consider about what it is were doing just reminds me of yet another thing to be afraid about
DAVE: so if you were looking for a more concentrated point
DAVE: the real point thats that point simmered in its own juices into a perfect point reduction
DAVE: here it is
DAVE: everything fuckin sucks huge cosmic donkey sack and im terrified
KARKAT: OK, SO I FEEL LIKE YOU SKIPPED A COUPLE NECESSARY STEPS IN YOUR POINT CLARIFICATION PROCESS.
KARKAT: I’M GOING TO RESIST THE URGE TO CONTINUE YOUR REDUCTION METAPHOR EVEN THOUGH I HAVE SOME INARGUABLY GOOD SHIT LINED UP FOR IT BECAUSE I’M AFRAID OF US GETTING TOO FAR OFF TRACK, HERE.
DAVE: ok but were you going with sweet or savory please give me that much at least
KARKAT: YEAH IT WAS GOING TO BE SUNDAE-BASED.
KARKAT: DO YOU WANNA WATCH MORE GBBO AFTER THIS?
KARKAT: GREAT. ANYWAY, LIKE I WAS SAYING, FOR THE LOVE OF SWEET HUMAN CHRIST, PLEASE BACK UP TO WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU’RE ACTUALLY SCARED OF.
KARKAT: ALSO COME HERE, IDIOT.