(==>)

MEENAH: yo nubs is that u

MEENAH: pretty rank

KARKAT: OH MY GOD.

KARKAT: I FLATLY REFUSE TO BELIEVE THAT YOU CAN SMELL MY NATURAL MUSK OVER THE STENCH OF BLOOD AND BURNING FLESH.

KARKAT: I CAN'T THINK OF ANYTHING MORE ASININE THAN YOU GETTING ON MY CASE ABOUT PERSONAL GROOMING ON THE BATTLEFIELD.

MEENAH: didnt i warn u bout thinking tho?

KARKAT: GOD DAMMIT MEENAH, DON'T MEME AT ME.

KARKAT: PEOPLE ARE DYING.

MEENAH: oh wow fuck u right

MEENAH: let me save all my jokes for that specific time in the foreseeable future when we arent all fightin for our lives

MEENAH: would that work for you commander

KARKAT: IF YOU AND THE REST OF THE GENERAL'S COUNCIL HADN'T INSISTED THAT I STAY OUT OF THE WORST OF THE FIGHTING, WE WOULDN'T HAVE THIS PROBLEM.

MEENAH: yeah cause youd be dead

MEENAH: u cant lead every charge

MEENAH: gotta be realistic boss

KARKAT: I KNOW THAT.

They have had this argument more than once. In fact, both of them could play either side of it. Karkat has done his time in the field, of course, leading small guerilla operations to free prisoners and sabotage Crocker's supply chains, but Meenah and the rest of the council is right. Which is why he's here, instead of at the front lines with his rebels, where he belongs.

His true value is his face. His symbology. At the end of the day, he is a fucking ad campaign.

*CHIME*

SWIFER: boss check the news!

KARKAT: OH FUCK.

MEENAH: what

KARKAT: JESUS CHRIST.

MEENAH: nubs i swear 2 god

KARKAT: IT'S GAMZEE.

KARKAT: HE'S DEAD.

MEENAH: oh

MEENAH: well shit

KARKAT: I CAN'T FUCKING BELIEVE THIS.

MEENAH: u okay

KARKAT: NO!

MEENAH: u wanna talk about it

MEENAH: i know u and jellybulge had a thing

KARKAT: FIRST OF ALL--JELLYBULGE?

MEENAH: u outlawed fishpuns i gotta make my own fun

KARKAT: GROSS.

KARKAT: AND I GUESS IF YOU CALL AN OBSCENELY PUBLIC PALE ACT, PERFORMED IN A FUGUE OF DESPERATE PANIC INTENDED TO PREVENT HIM FROM MURDERING ALL OF MY FRIENDS INSTEAD OF JUST HALF OF THEM "A THING".

KARKAT: THEN YES, I GUESS WE HAD A THING.

KARKAT: BUT IF YOU'RE ASKING ME IF I'M SAD THAT HE'S DEAD?

KARKAT: ABSOLUTELY THE FUCK NOT.

KARKAT: I HAVE HATED THIS PIECE OF BUBBLING, FECULENT CLOWNFLESH FOR DECADES, AND SO HAS EVERYONE ELSE WHO RESPECTS THEMSELVES.

KARKAT: REST IN THE POWERFUL GAZE OF MY ETERNAL LOATHING.

KARKAT: THAT'S NOT WHY I'M SAYING FUCK A BUNCH OF TIMES.

MEENAH: u need a reason to say fuck a buncha times

KARKAT: SHUT UP.

KARKAT: LOOK AT THE PICTURE.

MEENAH: kinda blurry

MEENAH: what am i supposed to be lookin at

In the distance, heavy artillery rolls across the heaving sky. It sounds like thunder, but by now they know the difference.

KARKAT: I DON'T KNOW, MEENAH, AT THE PACK OF KIDS CARRYING A DEAD CLOWN?

KARKAT: THAT'S VRISKA.

MEENAH: oh yea i guess it is

MEENAH: always knew that fish was gonna grow up shady

KARKAT: WHAT? NO! NOT VRISKA MARYAM-LALONDE.

KARKAT: I MEAN, SHE'S THERE TOO. BUT BUT I'M TALKING ABOUT THE OTHER VRISKA! MY VRISKA.

KARKAT: FROM MY UNIVERSE. THIS VRISKA'S ANCESTOR. SHE'S HERE.

MEENAH: she a ghost or some shit

KARKAT: I DON'T THINK SO? I CAN'T SEE HER EYES IN THIS PICTURE, BUT SHE'S COVERED IN BLOOD, AND SHE'S CARRYING GAMZEE, SO SHE'S CORPOREAL AT LEAST.

KARKAT: UNLESS SHE HAS A FUCKING LIFE RING TOO. HOW MANY OF THOSE THINGS ARE THERE?

MEENAH: okay but who gives a shit how she got here nubs

MEENAH: maybe focus on the big picture

KARKAT: YOU'RE RIGHT. FUCK.

KARKAT: "CROCKER CORP CEO JANE CROCKER HAS CONDEMNED THE ASSASSINATION AS AN ACT OF TERROR, AND IS CALLING FOR THE PERPETRATORS' ARREST."

MEENAH: wait aint that her kid there holding up the clown ass

KARKAT: UH...WOW, THIS ARTICLE IS WAY TOO LONG. I HATE WAR CORRESPONDENTS, JESUS FUCK.

KARKAT: OKAY...HERE. OH. OF COURSE. CROCKER IS CLAIMING HER SON WAS KIDNAPPED AND FORCED TO PARTICIPATE.

KARKAT: AND THEY'VE NAMED ME AS THE MASTERMIND.

MEENAH: well we woulda taken credit for it anyway so this saves us the time

MEENAH: thanks jane owe u one