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It has everything to do with Yiffany. Who even came up with that name?

It's pretty good, right?

Even though her very existence feels like broken glass screeching over my frontal lobe, and having to contemplate her is like a blockage in the sleek, flawless arteries contained in the body of my valuable time, I will allow that yes. The name is pretty good.

Then what's the issue? I thought you could appreciate irony, Dirk.

I'm a little bit beyond "irony guy" at this point, aren't I?

I don't know, are you?

That's beside the point. Because Yiffy isn't ironic. She's just stupid.

I doubt that's true, considering who her parents are. Are you calling your own granddaughter stupid?

Not stupid as in unintelligent, jackass. As in, her inclusion in the story makes no sense. It adds nothing of value. It's worthless. It's a big gaping prolapsed plothole.

Wow.

Where does she live, how did Jade and Rose hide her for 15 years?

Oh, that? She was at boarding school.

Boarding school.

Yes, Dirk. Boarding school.

What boarding school?

Ms. Paint's Home for Inconvenient Girls.

You made that up.

I made you up.

Fine, whatever. Don't tell me. But would Jade honestly hide her own daughter from the rest of her friends?

I don't know, would Jane fuck a clown? Would Karkat become a blatant Metal Gear Solid reference?

I'm just saying, there's only so much bullshit everyone is willing to put up with. You throw enough spaghetti at the wall, yes, shit is going to stick. But if you throw too much, pretty soon that entire wall is nothing but spaghetti, and you're getting complaints from the neighbors, because all of that gluten is starting to eat away at the structural integrity of the building. It just becomes mush.

Much like this analogy.

I'm trying to help you. This sucks. It's nonsense.

And your endeavor to breed two competing races across eons is, what, reasonable?

Not reasonable, exactly, but thematic. Understandably epic. Worthy of having a story told about it. Not some discourse-baiting bullshit that the Wokeness Police are going to feed on for weeks before the next update.

I think I need to pour myself a shot after that sentence. Since when do you care about wokeness?

Since when do you?

Don't change the subject. We're talking about you, Dirk. I'm trying to suss out exactly what your problem is with this development. I have some theories, but I'm working within a world limit here. So let's cut through the chaff and go straight for the wheat.

You know what I think?

Yes, I do.

No you don't. Your melodramatic baby god powers don't work on me. This goes both ways, Strider. I can't control you, and you sure as fuck can't control me.

So, let's try this again. You know what I think?

I don't care.

I think you're scared of her.

Scared of who?

Of Yiffy.

Wow, sorry, this conversation was so irrelevant I completely forgot what it was even about. Me. Scared of Jade and a shittier Rose's spawn? I have to laugh.

Then why are you shaking?